------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Application For Living In Northern Wisconsin Name: _______________________________ Nickname: ___________________________ CB handle: __________________________ Moblie home color: __ Two-tone, brown & white Neck shade: __ Light red __ Two-tone, pink & white __ Medium red __ Faded green __ Dark red Number of teeth in exposed full grin: ____ Upper ____ Lower Model of pick-up truck: _____________ Size of tires: ____ Number of beer cans on floor of pick-up truck: ____ Truck equipped with: __ Gun rack __ Mud flaps __ Camper top __ Air horn __ American flag __ 4-W drive __ 8-track __ Rust __ Fuzz buster __ Roll bar __ CB __ Mud tires __ Load of wood __ Dents __ Deer shining light __ Pine tree air freshener hanging from rear-view mirror __ Playboy air freshener hanging from rear-view mirror __ Woman's garter hanging from rear-view mirror Bumper stickers: __ Honk If You're Horny __ Fuck 'Em, Bucky __ Almost Heaven, Hayward __ Where The Hell Is Rhinelander? __ Femi-Nazis for Kohl __ Wisconsin State Bird: Mosquito __ Ducks Unlimited __ Walleyes Unlimited __ Tommy Bartlett Water Show __ Nuke Illinois __ Eat Cheese Or Die __ Cheddarheads For Bush __ The Pack Is Back (on bumper since 1973, still waiting) __ I Told You The Bears Still Suck Favorite meal: __ Anything fried in lard __ Pickled pigs' feet __ Head cheese and Old Milwaukee __ Bratwurst and Old Milwaukee __ Cheese curds and Old Milwaukee __ Venison sausage and Old Milwaukee __ Slim Jims and lime Jell-O __ Green bean & mushroom soup casserole Favorite music: __ Country __ Western __ Country Western __ Anything played on an accordion Favorite recreation: __ Deer hunting __ Snowmobiling __ Fishing with live bait __ Watching Green Acres reruns __ Deer hunting while drinking __ Snowmobiling while drinking __ Fishing w/ live bait while drinking __ Watching Green Acres reruns while drinking Favorite weapon: __ 30/30 __ 30/06 __ .22 __ 12-gauge __ Chain saw __ Tire iron __ Forehead __ Ice auger Favorite fragrance: __ Wet dogs __ WD-40 __ Old Milwaukee __ Minnow bucket __ Frying Spam __ Diesel fuel __ Paper mill on a hot day in August __ Kaukana Industrial Park, late summer __ Fish guts after a week in the trash in the garage in August __ Any scent emanating from a bodily orifice Favorite cap emblem: __ Old Milwaukee __ Blatz __ Skoal __ Stihl __ Packers __ Pabst __ John Deere __ Hamm's __ Brewers __ Point Beer __ Old Style __ Old Fart Favorite reading: __ Fishing Facts __ TV Guide __ Beer bottle labels __ Enquirer __ Guns & Ammo __ Today's Mercenary __ Police Digest __ Wausau Herald __ Sports Illustrated (swimsuit issue) Things in your front yard: __ Various kitchen appliances __ Engines, transmissions, doors, etc. __ Piles of split wood __ Piles of wood to split __ Cars on blocks __ Dismantled snowmobiles __ Broken metal-frame screened gazebo __ Wood cut-out of bent-over woman __ Deer hanging from tree limb, in season __ Deer hanging from tree limb, out of season Typical greeting: __ Good morning, dere. __ Ya, hey! __ Damn Packers is playin' like a buncha old women. __ Damn Brewers is playin' like a buncha old women. __ Damn Badgers is playin' like a buncha old women. __ Damn Bucks is playin' like a buncha old women. __ Dey should just let dem Indians spear dose idiots at da DNR. __ Dey should take da whole buncha dem Madison liberals and queers and just line 'em up and shoot 'em. Favorite tavern name: __ County Trunk Bar __ Dew Drop Inn __ Deer Drop Inn __ Deer Droppings Inn __ Lakeside Supper Club __ Lakeview Supper Club __ Lakewood Supper Club __ Pineside Supper Club __ Pineview Supper Club __ Pinewood Supper Club Favorite automobile: __ '67 Ford Galaxy __ '67 Ford Galaxy with transmission __ '67 Ford Galaxy w/ '73 Chevy Impala transmission __ '67 Ford Galaxy w/ '73 Chevy Impala transmission & '71 Buick LeSabre engine Fathest memorable event you've ever attended: __ Minoqua Moose Call Competition __ Antigo Mister Potato Carnival __ Gleason Grouse Mating Gala __ Herbster Jaycees Seagull Doo-Doo Days __ Lake Tomahawk Crew Cut Championships __ Omega Outboard Motor Repair Finals __ The Annual Rhinelander Hodag __ Tigerton's Annual Posse Comitatus Week __ Spread Eagle International Proctologists Convention __ Chetak Carp Queen Beauty Contest And Carp Cuisine Cook-Off __ Eagle River Shout-Off For The Deaf (held after a week of snowmobile races) Length of your right leg: ____ Length of your left leg: ____ When was your last sighting of Elvis? ____________________ Do you wear mostly polyester pants with snags? ____ Do you own any shoes (not counting boots)? ____ Are you married to any of the following: __ Sister __ Cousin __ Cousin's sister Can you beat your wife or girlfriend at arm-wrestling? ____ Your signature (an X will do): ________________________________________